Are you serious again have we not done this already?

it boggles my mind that my beautiful city is once again the leading news of the world.....22/02/2011 I just got home from the mall making Sam a bottle we jumped on the bed and then all of a sudden the house the trees and the earth underneath us was shaken like it once had before
I was terrified I couldnt get up because i was frozen scared I jumped over Sam and told him that I have got him and I wouldnt let anything happen to him I was doing my best to keep him out of harms way
......not long after I heard the earth rumble knowing what was coming next I grabbed my son my phone and jumped under the door frame I thought i was doing ok thinking I can do this but without me knowing I was shaking and crying with buckets of tears running down my face I txted and tried to call people but no answer the landline was down no power no water no nothing but after about 10 minutes which felt like a lifetime Rob called me asking me if im ok and that Karen was on her way home and I would no longer be alone what a sigh of relief but after aftershock after aftershock I was in my car sitting there with sam in my arms worried that the house was going to cave in. The road became busy very quickly and thought I have to go back into that shaken house and get sams stuff to pick up Ash from school I was shocked when i drove down the streets that I normally go down I couldnt get down there the roads were filled with sand and sewage I was surprised that it surfaced so quickly after a few moments of thinking if i should drive through it or not I did I had to get to my little girl.
I arrived at the school with all the children on the wet field with liquefacation poping up all over the place the whole school was in tears.....I could believe my eyes really I couldnt believe that this has happened to us AGAIN.....
Not long after we got home from school Karen arrived I felt a little less stressed that someone else was here with the children and i after that everything else is a big blurr
We all slept in my room I gave Karen and Rob my bed and Ash and I slept on matresses at the foot of the bed the key word there is "slept" im pretty sure not many people "slept" in chch last night you would finally allow yourself to give in to the tiredness and then you would hear that rumble again and the house would jolt from side to side..I tried to go to sleep at around 12.30 didnt fall asleep till around 1 then woke up at 1.30 and again didnt fall asleep till 2 but woke up at 3.30 and then from then on I was in and out of sleep till 540ish and have been up since with big bags under my eyes tired from driving from one side of town to the other to find water and to check if my family were ok (they weren't home) but I had checked on the the night before and were all fine my backs sore from shoveling crap out of the streets....To be honest it has helped me being busy with things to do for our family and the community being home now is very stressfull as we are still getting decent aftershocks Im checking flights to see if Jason can come back even if its just for a week i dont know what it is with him but he makes me stronger makes me feel like i can take on the world....but that also means he would miss out on training and to some people that could sound stupid but to us and to our judo family at can am and to everyone who supports Jason its alot!
this is not all of my story but ive had enough talking about this living hell Im just gona stop there...
To mother nature....bitch you've got  jonny pittman after you!!! watch yourself
and to the people of Christchurch although it is much worse than before I know with the cantab spirits we can help each other through this time keep safe and call out if you need our help!

STOP SHAKING ALREADY!!!

move your ass and get off that seat...

Move your ass and get off that seat...is what i tell myself everyday
just a small quote from the book im ready "if you're fat it's your fault" the truth hurts and admitting it almost brought me to tears but its so true if you complain about being bigger aka fat but do nothing about it well its your own damm fault in the last 5 weeks ive lost around 5kgs and its not from making excuses I hate when people ask for mine or Jasons help to get fitter and to help them feel good about themselfs but dont do shit about it or they train once a week but eat kfc?? i dont get it?? dont complain you have yourself you blame!!!

I have been training my ass off literary well thats the plan haha I have judo 2/3 times a week which i wish could be more but its a no go there....bjj on saturdays which is so awesome!!!! the class is for 2 hours but for the last hour and a half its just rolling your pretty much dead after but its worth it and will help my ground game heaps lol a few saturdays ago I forgot that I was doing bjj and was just holding people down then I was wondering why aren't they trying to get out??? hmmm odd then the light turned on this isnt judo!!! what an idiot hahahahaha...Other than that I just train at home every day while Sam is either asleep or if hes too busy playing with his toys so it gives me at least 30mins to sweat the pounds away lol

It's pretty hard trying to motivate myself into training at home compared to going to the gym.
At the gym you have other people there doing the same shit as you and I'm like I want to life heavier than you or I want to do one more than you can Its always a competition and I always feel good after leaving knowing I trained harder than most people in there.
But when your home you only have yourself...Im lucky in a sence though I have 4 goals for losing weight my motivation...

1. Look good for Jason when he comes home.
2. Look great in my wedding dress at the end of the year
3. Get down to a lighter weight for judo :)
4. Look good naked (this one is for me)

number 4 is pretty important to me there has been times when i couldnt even look at myself naked as i said before the truth hurts and thats what the mirror was showing me.
Im sure most woman get that way but i dont want to be anymore and in that is my motivation to do 10 more kettle bell swings or squats or whatever im doing.....


so whoever reads this do you have goals? maybe you need to set some? and it doesnt have to be big ones start off small like today im going to walk to the shop instead of taking the car or im going to go for a run for at least 30mins twice this week then get bigger and better :D


Im out! gotta go train :)

small lessons learnt...

Ive been reading a book that Jason sent me to be honest I didn't think I would be interested but I can't keep my nose out of it I have learnt some new things and put into action some things I knew I should have been doing but never really could be bothered doing but funny enough small changes do become big changes and I think its for the better...

In this book it says if your not enjoying yourself (not having fun) why do it? I know planning a wedding is pretty stressful but everywhere I turn there is always someone complaining/puting their 2 cents make that 5 cents in. If its not the invitations its the dress its the colour its who is or who isn't coming. I'm  sooo excited about marrying the man I love but I wish it could be less stressful ahhh Las Vegas here we come??? lol maybe not I want the big family thing just without the stress of it all huh another maybe not.....
I know its going to be a great day though and im probably going to be a big sook but a happy sook :)

I wonder if I could fast forward time to April slow down time while Jason is here and then fast forward time when Jason leaves again then 10th December :) the happiest day of my life . I think about it all the time walking down the aisle seeing Jason for the first time, crying with happy tears saying our vows then walking out married...I feel so lucky to have Jason it was love at first sight I didnt really believe in that but it happened and let me tell you its the most amazing feeling.....waking up to the person who you love the most everyday...(when he homes :p) its...undescrible im really blessed

I did plan on writing a looong blog but Jason is about to fight so gotta go
will let you know how training is going :)

Life still goes on...

Its not the same without Jason home...No one to cook for 8 times a day haha Its a odd feeling like a piece of a puzzle missing just not whole without it!
But in saying that I wouldnt want Jason to be here and then be missing out on an amazing opportunity 
Theres so much I want for him and this.....Is the one thing I can only give support in if there was a way we could fuse super saiyon styles and he could have my strength too :) heh that would work....

I've never been so proud of someone as much as I am proud of Jason the things he has done trained 3 times a day some days I would have only seen him when we go to bed because he was so busy training and working I dont think anyone deserves this as much as he does :)

You're pretty much amazing Jase...lets go Jase lol inside joke

So in the closing of my small dedication to my beautiful fiance
Life is full of open windows you just have to open your eyes to see them.

Time is in a stand still

You know the saying when your having fun time flys by well thats what its like when im with Jason but vice versa when we're apart so i thought this might help me fill in some of that time :)

Today i've been somewhat active I went for a ...km run not sure how far it was but was gone justt over an hour then came home to do some kettle bell suitcase squats and kettlebell swings...good times my legs felt numb if this has ever happened to you you know its a horrible feeling but you feel great also :) 

after the needed shower I just chilled out with my son sammy,samwhiches,lsj,jibbs aka Sam hes pretty much amazing I couldnt ask for a better wee guy than the one I have here

Hes learning alot its amazing how much these wee humans can take in we've been putting up ALOT of photos and now videos of Sam on my fb page for Jason (currently in Paris) to see and watch our son do amazing things (parents think this of there children no matter what they do) 

I remember when Sam first rolled over for the first time well one of the first times he just did it...and he never looked back since once they do it once its like they've been doing it for years Jason and I were in  amazement it was cool....

When i went for my run Ash also came with on her rip stick crazy piece of machinery there....Only took her a few days to get the hang of it Jason and I have had our fare shares of falls off that damm thing hahaha

shes got it down i dont know how she does it ,Had to tell her off today as she went scootering down the street without asking or letting me know when i looked around the house to find her i was thinking where could she be then i decided to go out the gate thinking why am i going out here she wouldnt dare to go out here and what do you know shes down the street with her cousin and her friend naughty naughty knowing she was in the wrong before i said anything she was saying sorry to me...hmmm peer pressure???? hmm maybe

 but all and all shes a great kid soo caring and sweet couldn't get better than my ashy...

Just a quick not to Jason...

I love you more and more each day theres not a moment in the day that I don't think of you and how you are keep safe baby,train hard and be Brilliant

love love

Cushla out!